There are layers to this guy. Schoeman is one of three Lions looseheads, along with Ellis Genge and Andrew Porter, and he has views on what makes a loosehead prop.
“I think looseheads around the globe are quite weird people,” he said, again with a straight face. “Something isn’t right. We always say, his screw must be loose, but playing rugby as a loosehead prop.”
As beasts, is there a difference between a loosehead and a tighthead?
“We’re different, but similar,” he replied. “You almost feel like a gladiator movie, all the gladiators come together.”
And the role of Lions scrum coach John Fogarty in all of this?
“He has the key for the cage, to unlock the gladiator. Looseheads like going to dark places, physically, mentally, spiritually, whatever. But tightheads can go even darker at some times.
“We actually have just a prop group that none of the other team members is allowed on.”
Not even hookers?
“No, not even hookers. It’s just props. It’s not a front row group, it’s a prop group.”
Answers on a postcard what a group of Lions props might be called? Motley Scooo? The Scooo Fighters?
Schoeman riffed on Lions history, the legacy of Ian ‘Mighty Mouse’ McLauchlan, the greatness of Tom Smith – fallen Scottish Lions who added so much to the Test jersey he is now pursuing.
“That’s what the jersey demands of us,” he said. “That’s the legacy of it. I have sat on the same seat as Tom did at Murrayfield. I’ve been honoured and blessed.”
Back in the here and now he’s talking about his bond with the 2025 props.
“We are like bison, migrating together,” he said. We have a secret meeting every night, Finlay Bealham started it and now all the props have bought in. We stick together and have a tea after every training session and we get to meet each other’s families and ask deep questions.”
Are the good people of Australia not scared by a herd of human bovine roaming the streets?
“Props have a soft side as well. We’re discussing lots of soft things.”
Has Porter spoken about the tragedy of losing his mum to cancer at a painfully young age? Has Genge spoken about growing up in the tough terrain of Knowle West in Bristol and how he thinks rugby may have saved him from prison? You suspect so.
“I know a lot of things about Gengey. I know all his business friends, family, everything, I have asked him to phone my family as well,” he said.
Rivals, but now friends, even in the heat of battle for Test match places. It’s the essence of what makes these tours so great, so unforgettable. The joy of the experience is writ large over Schoeman’s bearded face and in his every utterance.
Burning Viking ships? Bison wandering Brisbane and beyond? A love letter to his wife? He may or may not make the Test team – it’s all up for grabs – but he’s unquestionably one of this tour’s great personalities, a character who’s made a mark.