A recent Thrivent survey of 2,279 people found that 37 percent of Americans feel pressure to spend beyond their means during the holidays. That pressure can lead to a wave of emotions and decision paralysis. Do you keep your gift recipients happy, or do you submit to the better angels of sound financial advice and forego gifts in favor of frugality?
Overcoming those emotions and making sound decisions can be difficult, but with the right mindset and boundaries, it can be done.
Why the prospect of saying no to buying holiday gifts is so scary
For many, the holidays are sacred not just because of religious or local traditions, but because it’s one of the few times during the year that family from near and far gather to celebrate.
“Many people experience shame,” she said. “They believe that they should be able to buy the gifts that their loved ones want. They feel embarrassed about their finances if they are not able to purchase the perfect gift.”
Anxiety also plays a role in the struggle over buying gifts while following your budget, Walker said.
“A person may feel afraid of disappointing others,” she said. “They may worry that it might affect their relationship.”
Resentment and embarrassment also play a role, certified financial planner Andrew Latham told The Independent by email.
“Resentment is another common feeling, particularly when extended family or cultural expectations seem to require more than someone can comfortably afford,” Latham said. “Embarrassment can also arise in gift exchanges, especially in workplaces or among in-laws, where people may worry their gifts won’t measure up.”
Simple steps for balancing your gift list with your budget
Successfully protecting your budget while keeping family and friends up-to-date on your gifting limitations involves the right mindset and practical steps that prepare you and others.
Setting a gifting budget as early as you can in the season is something Walker and Latham recommended.
Doing so gives you time, an important element in making sound financial decisions (when it’s available).
“Think about what you are feeling in the moment before buying a gift,” Walker said. “Do you feel pressured? Relaxed about the decision? You can make calmer choices by pausing to think about what you are feeling.”
Communication is critical, too – it’s okay to tell your family and friends that you won’t give gifts this season because of your financial situation.
Latham recommended the following “we” statements:
- “We’ve decided to make this a no-gift holiday and just enjoy time together.”
- “I’m focusing my budget on the kids this year, so I won’t be doing adult gifts – thanks for understanding.”
- “We’re doing Secret Santa with a $20 limit to keep things light.”
“Using ‘we’ language can help make the message feel more collaborative,” Latham said. “It avoids making it sound like a personal issue and helps others feel included in the decision.”
Giving your gift recipients advanced notice of your situation will not only prepare them, but it also provides you with an added benefit, Weaver said.
“When a person finally sets boundaries around gift-giving, they may feel relief,” she said.
And if the response to your boundaries is negative, Latham pointed out that the push-back is less about your value and more about the other person’s expectations.
“At the end of the day, what people remember most is how you made them feel, not how much you spent,” he said. “Your presence really does matter more than your presents.”
This article is sponsored by Credit Karma. We may earn a commission if you engage with their services using links in this article.